Matt Nathanson - Suspended
Sunshine, I’m beginning to like this.
“It must be those brief moments
when nothing has happened - nor is going to.
Tiny moments, like islands in the ocean
beyond the grey continent of our ordinary days.
There, sometimes, you meet your own heart
like someone you’ve never known.”Today in the river.
let it go- the smashed word broken open vow or the oath cracked length wise- let it go it was sworn to go let them go- the truthful liars and the false fair friends and the boths and neithers- you must let them go they were born to go let all go- the big small middling tall bigger really the biggest and all things- let all go dear so comes love -- E.E. Cummings
Georges Moustaki - Le Promeneur
Ironically, I came across this album in a random pirated CD/DVD store while I was living in China. I clearly remember running back home to transfer it onto my computer and into my ipod. I threw on my headphones and went walking in the cool March drizzle. Of the things I miss most of living in China was the sense of time and control. As frustrating as the language or culture could be, I wasn’t ever so busy that I couldn’t just go on really long walks with good music, my notebook, and a pen. I spent hours and hours of my weekends walking, getting to know different parts of Nanjing. Sometimes I’d be silent the entire time, other times I’d be brave and try to start conversations with anyone I could. Sometimes I’d go alone, other times with friends. I’d meet up with someone over lunch or for some tea, and then continue the walk until my feet told me it was time to head home.
Today was a grey day and lots of existential angst. I miss running, I miss writing. I miss feeling like myself. Confronted with old glimpses of who I used to be and unable to see glimpses of who I believe myself to be. I feel stretched out like too little jam (as if you’d use jelly) on a slice of toast in the morning—unfulfilling and incomplete. I keep on telling myself “After X, I’ll finally get my life back”. After law school, after the bar exam, after I find a job, after I get my own place. “Tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms further.” Yet here we are and I feel even less myself and I look around wondering what, exactly, I have to show for it.
I think I define myself too much by my successes and failures. I think I forget that my job title doesn’t define me. I think I forget that I shouldn’t take life too seriously. I think I need to remember that long walks refresh the soul.
